Party Mom

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Dear Dr. Darcy:

My mother acts like a teenager. She lets my brother's friend’s party in our house.  Sometimes on weekends I wake up and there are boys sleeping all over the house and even just outside my bedroom. The other parents are on to her and have reported her to our school and now MY FRIENDS aren’t allowed over my house! She’s destroying my life Dr. Darcy.  She's more interested in being cool than in being a mom. I just wish she'd be like the other moms.

ANSWER

I want you to forward this post to your mother so that I can speak directly to her:

Dear Party Mom:

I understand why you do what you do. You’ve always craved a sense of inclusiveness, either because you were part of the in-crowd growing up or because you were excluded from it. Regardless, you’ve found a way to hang on to your ebbing youth, however pathetic the outlet, through your teenage son and his friends.

Here’s what you don’t know. While your son will party with you today and perhaps for a few more years, he will eventually mature into that which you are not – an adult. And when he does he will reflect on your behavior in embarrassment and disdain. His friends will, at some point, begin to tease him for having a permissive mother.  He will likely grow into a man who seeks your exact opposite in a woman. His wife will judge you as he will. They will think twice before allowing you to babysit your grandchildren.

But what’s more concerning is how you’re affecting your daughter’s development. You’re robbing her of a childhood. Children need structure and consistency to feel safe ~ even when they’re teenagers, and your daughter has none. She doesn’t know who’s going to be sleeping in the house when she wakes up. She’s being exposed to boys who are 5 years older than she is. How long do you think it will be before one of them makes a sexual advance towards her?

You should know that you’re probably one angry parent away from being reported to the police. You are legally responsible for EVERYTHING that goes on in your home, and what you’re doing with minorsis going to have legal ramifications. You won’t get away with this indefinitely. Is it worth it to have a felony on your record? To be sued by a parent whose child was in your care when he left your house drunk? What do you think that’s going to do to your children’s popularity or their life at school?

To say that you’re a selfish woman doesn’t begin to express how terrible your behaviors are.  You need counseling. You need self-esteem. And quite frankly, you need a kick in the ass.