Dear Dr. Darcy:
I am a 25-year old single girl in the city and I was recently scrolling through personals on Match and I saw a picture of my brother-in-law posted! Of course I read his profile and in it he mentions that his relationship status is complicated. I’m so freaked out. Do I tell my sister that her husband has a profile on Match? And what the hell does it mean when he says his relationship status is complicated? My parents just paid for their gazillion-dollar wedding 2 years ago – I’m sure they’d think this is fucking complicated as well!
You have to tell your sister that you saw his profile on Match. I would do it in person A) so that you can be there to support her, and B) so as to avoid any misunderstanding that text/email could cause.
A word on offering her support: She may not need it. It’s possible that they are in an open relationship. It seems incomprehensible to me that your brother-in-law would post his profile on a very popular dating site without his wife’s consent. The whole thing screams swingers to me.
When and if your sister discloses to you that she has an open relationship, I would advise you to listen with an open heart and keep any judgments you may have to yourself. Monogamy is not the only relationship model and with a marriage success rate that hovers at or below 50%, my only surprise is that more people aren’t inclined to try something new.
Writer’s Stats: Female, Bi.