My Best Friend & My Girlfriend

Dr. Darcy:

I just caught my girlfriend of YEARS having sex with my best friend.  They are both begging for my forgiveness.  I love my girlfriend very much and she’s only done this once before.  She’s willing to go to therapy with me.  Do you think it’s possible for me to ever trust her again?


Only once before?  Phew.   For a second there I thought that maybe you were a doormat.

Listen Amnesia, before you forgive and forget again, let’s look at the implications of this.  First, let me tell you that the fact that the two people who you are closest to in the world just slept together in a unified fuck you indicates that they each have some pretty deep levels of anger towards you.  This wasn’t just some “oops,” or a drunken tryst (not that they ever are).   An affair, no matter who it’s with, taps into people’s forbidden fruit desires, but these two people couldn’t stop there:  They had to find the one person who is more off-limits than, I don’t know, anyone but your sister.  What a mess…

And what about you?  Where are your boundaries?  Your expectations?  What are your relationship deal breakers?  Have you ever pondered them?

You don’t need couple’s counseling.  You need individual counseling.  Your self-esteem, Amnesia, has the depth of a puddle, and if you forgive these two people, I don’t know that you’ll walk away with any self-respect in tact.

Amnesia, you are responding to an emotion called desperation.  You desperately want to forgive your girlfriend and your best friend and go merrily back to life as usual. But for you, life as usual involves betrayal and cheating, evidenced by the fact that this has happened to you in the past.  You are in no position to make any life decisions because you are coming from a place of fear and when people are afraid, they make bad decisions.  Go see a therapist, get some clarity and make decisions from a place of strength.