Mr. Sensitive

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I’m messaging with this handsome guy [who I met on a] dating site. He’s 46, divorced with kids - close to my [situation]. I definitely think he is sounding normal, respectful and I definitely think he's handsome...oh I mentioned that already Haha...

OK so I finally feel comfortable enough to ask if he'd like to meet for drinks with maybe me & my girlfriend and I asked if he wanted to grab a buddy… to make it casual...he wrote back, “no offense… the 1st time I’d like to meet u alone.” I didn't like the feeling I got [from his response]...Thoughts?

ANSWER

I wouldn't date him. I mean even if I wasn't married and a lesbian, I wouldn't date him.

If he's insensitive to the reasons why a woman would be hesitant to meet a strange man out alone, he's a douche. Thank him for showing you who he is so early on.

And just in case there are any men who don’t intuitively understand why a woman would want to bring a friend with her the first time she’s meeting a man who she found through a dating site, here are my top 3 explanations:

She met you online. You weren’t introduced through a mutual friend, so this date is more risky because no one’s vouched that you’re a good guy. Bringing a friend will help her feel secure.

You could be a psychopath. As much as I wish there weren’t, there is a difference in physical strength between men and women. If you turn out to be nuts, you could kill her. If she has a friend with her, you're less likely to act on your sociopathic impulses on the first date which will give her some time to hone in on the fact that you’re crazy.

She’s not having sex with you on the first date. Keeping it ‘casual’ means she doesn’t want to fuck you. If she brings a friend along, there’s less of a chance that you’ll be arrogant enough to try.

Writer's Stats: Female, Straight.