Dear Dr. Darcy:
My mother needs to get a life. She isn’t happy unless she knows every detail about my life, which causes her to look through my purse, my room and if she knew how, she’d look through my computer. Her latest thing is lecturing me on why I shouldn’t have sex with guys. I’m 17 years old and a senior in high school. She’s been telling me that if I have sex with a boy, he’ll never date me / come back because once they have sex they move on. Well, she’s wrong. I have 2 of the most popular boys in school literally stalking me. They are always trying to hang out with me – and I’ve had sex with them both. It’s been like this all this year. But I can’t tell her this because the boys have girlfriends and she’ll go blabbing to their mothers. What should I do to get her off my back?
There’s nothing more annoying than feeling like your mother is up your ass. I’m going to give you some big sister advice here and I hope you listen up: You are responsible for your mother being up your ass. You are doing things that are provoking her to feel like she’s got to find her own information. You’re not playing the game of communication, and when you fail to communicate with your mother, you essentially ask her to look for information. And as much as it’s going to kill you to read this, I’ve got to say it…
Your mother’s right about these boys. Teenage boys (correct me if I’m wrong, boys who are or have ever been in high school) will have sex with anyone who is willing. Period. They are stalking you because they want to have sex. You’re taking your mother’s words too literally. She doesn’t mean that they will disappear from your life after you’ve had sex – she means that they won’t want anything from you other than sex. If you’re looking for proof, think about the fact that they both have girlfriends. And think about when and how they hang out with you: It’s never in front of other kids. It’s always a secret. It’s probably in the dead of night, or in the woods, or in a bathroom… And it’s never for anything but sex. And then you don’t hear from either of them until the next time. And the next time is always on their terms, isn’t it?
There was a girl in my high school who had sex with all the hottest boys, many of whom had girlfriends. They used her up and threw her away. She was an angry, troubled girl who ran away from her problems. What you resist will persist. I suspect that home isn’t the most pleasant place on earth for you. Let me help. Email me and we’ll schedule some time to talk. I’m happy to be part of the solution. But let me be crystal clear: These boys are not.
Writer’s Stats: Female, Bi.