Q Dear Dr. D, I'm divorced from a 8-year relationship, 2 of which were married. I do not regret the divorce.
I find myself now in a situation where a life coach and mentor I know for the last 5-years has made his feelings known to me but I don't feel like entering the complications of a relationship at this stage. He, however, needs an answer or he's moving on. I just came from a no regret divorce and do not want to regret saying no to new possibilities just because of past hurt. What is my healing vs. new life opportunity window in all this?
A You’re a #metoo and you don’t even realize it – which makes my blood boil. I’m not heated over you. I’m heated over the idea that someone who you’ve entrusted with your wellbeing (your coach), and who you’ve identified as a mentor, would exploit the trust you’ve given him and feel entitled to cross such a sacred boundary.
Coaches, you may want to skip the next paragraph.
You know I love many of you – this isn’t personal.
Forget the fact that this guy is part of an UNREGULATED para-profession. Yup. I said it. Coaching is not a profession. It’s a title that anyone can claim to have – because it means nothing. You might as well call yourself a magician, however, if you were to call yourself a magician, everyone would know that you’re part of a field that requires no credentials. Call yourself a coach and people think you’ve had some sort of training to help them with whatever problem you claim to be able to fix. I mention this because if the coaching profession were regulated (as it should be), he would have some ethical guidelines that he’d be obligated to follow, or risk losing a license.
The problem is you can’t take a license from someone who’s field doesn’t require one in the first place.
I’ll stop my tirade after I’ve said this: Coaches – you need to organize yourselves and demand that you become regulated and licensed so quacks like this guy won’t be able to say that no one ever told them that it isn’t ok to try and fuck a client. I’m done.
You’re part of the #MeToo movement because someone who is in a position of power over you has expressed a desire to engage in a sexual relationship with you – and he “needs an answer, or he’s moving on.”
Here’s the worst part: You’re questioning whether your disinterest is an example of you missing a window of opportunity, a seed I’m willing to bet he planted!
What I want you to do is send this blog to him. Tell him I’d love to interview him on video to better understand how it is he came to feel entitled to hit on a client.
Gender and Orientation: Female, Straight.