Dear Dr. Darcy,
I have a moral dilemma. I'm a young woman struggling financially and have recently signed up to a "sugar daddy dating" website, I'm sure you're familiar with the term sugar daddy, it's when an older man gives you money and gifts in exchange for sex and companionship. I've never done anything like this before and still don't feel great about it as it's essentially prostitution and I'm not going to delude myself into thinking it's not. It's prostituting yourself to one guy for a lot of money rather than selling yourself to lots of guys for a small amount of money, I acknowledge this. Several wealthy men have sent me messages, I haven't responded to any thus far.
My question is, is this a terrible idea? I mean is wanting financial security, a better future, for myself and other members of my family so bad? I am worried that if I do this it will leave me emotionally scarred for life and however much money I make from a rich guy I will spent the majority of it on therapy.
I suspect you will tell me that I'm crazy to even consider this and that I should get a job (as well as some self-respect) instead but it's difficult, there are so many people fighting for so few jobs and even if I did get one, it would be slaving away for minimum wage which isn't appealing to me.
I don’t think you’re crazy. Of course you want financial security. Since the beginning of time that’s what marriage has been for women. In the context of history, women have just recently begun to change the world and carve out options beyond marriage. So of course there will be women in every generation who would prefer the apparent simplicity of an arrangement to having a career. But before I encourage you to start answering emails from potential sugar daddy’s, let’s discuss your feelings around this topic.
You don’t want to do this. You’re already imagining that you’ll feel like a prostitute. You reference needing self-respect. You want me to tell you not to do this. You don’t need me to tell you what to do. You need to tune into your inner voice which is already telling you what you should do.
I’m not going to judge you for wanting money, but I am going to judge you for your lack of creativity. Things are not black and white. There are ways around getting a minimum wage job. In any city waitresses make really good money. Temp agencies pay well. In NYC, bartenders make between $200-800 a night. Those are 3 options just off the top of my head. But ultimately you’re going to have to ask yourself a very important question:
How much is your self-esteem worth? I can tell you that my clients pay me a good amount of money to help them build it. So what’s yours worth? Every choice we make comes with a price attached to it. Take that dollar amount and tack that on to the salary of what a bartender makes, and you’re going to find that you’ll be well above minimum wage. Don’t be lazy. Use your head. Find a way to keep your clothes on. And let me know if I can help in any other way.
Writer’s Stats: Female, withheld.