Dear Dr. Darcy:
I’m in my 20’s and I’m lonely but I don’t know how to meet other girls. I’m just realizing that I’m probably gay, my family has no idea and won’t for the foreseeable future, and most of my friends are straight and don’t know I’m gay. Consequently, I’m alone a lot and I don’t have anyone to go out with to meet other young lesbians. Do you have any suggestions for what I can do?
Deep breath, Lonely Girl. We live in an age where you don’t have to leave your home to meet people. Online dating is not only convenient, but a hell of a lot more effective in finding someone than searching through a dimly lit bar (where everyone looks better than in daylight) after you’ve had a few drinks in you.
No site is necessarily better than another, though the most popular among the women who I work with are Match.com & OkCupid.com. Take some time to look through other people’s profiles, get some ideas of how you want yours to look and start dating.
In addition, keep in mind that next month is Gay Pride Month in most major cities, meaning that celebrations will abound during the upcoming weeks. I know that you have no one to go to these celebrations with, but there are tons of opps to volunteer. Have a look at NYC’s Heritage of Pride and contact them to find out who to contact in your area for volunteer opportunities.
The bottom line is this: You want new outcomes? You must engage in new behaviors. You can’t get new outcomes by doing the same old things. Feeling lonely and being unwilling to do something different is like being dehydrated and refusing water because you don't like drinking out of public water fountains. If that’s your position, you deserve to be thirsty.
Writer’s stats: Female, lesbian.
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