Lonely Boy

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I’m a gay male in my early 20’s and I just moved to NY a few months ago.  I have a great job, I live in Chelsea, but I’m just not finding compatible men.  I’ve been shocked to learn that men in my community seem disinterested in relationships and more interested in casual sex.  I’ve waited my entire life to move to NYC and to live within the gay community and I’m so disappointed with the experience thus far.  I’m beginning to lose hope of ever finding the man of my dreams and what's worse is that I'm lonely.


Hang in there, Newbie.  I’m betting my inbox gets flooded today with emails from men who would welcome a relationship with the right person.

Since it’s earliest inhabitants, people have flocked to NYC in the hopes of finding a reprieve from whatever ruling class sent them searching for a better place to live.  We come to this island and before long some of us begin to feel as though we’re floating on an island - of isolation.   For all it’s amazing services and diversity, New York can be a hard place to feel connected.  That’s why we join organizations, clubs and sports.

The life of an adult New Yorker bares little resemblance to it’s adult suburban counterpart, however, it looks very similar to a high school student’s life in that we go to work and typically run to our extracurricular activities the minute the whistle blows and the work day ends.  What you need, Newbie, are some activities.

What sports did you play in high school?  Were you a drama boy /theater geek? Did you play an instrument?  Whatever your interests were, I’m betting you can find an outlet right here in Manhattan.  Do a little research online and provided your interests aren’t limited to republican issues or other conservative topics, you’ll likely find yourself surrounded by men, some of whom want more than a quickie in the bathroom during breaks.

You have to give it some time, Newbie. I didn’t feel very connected in NYC until I lived here for a couple of years ~ and then, only because I started dancing for the first time in many years.  My wife didn’t feel very connected until she began playing hockey again, and mostly after she was invited to play on her current team.  I have friends who are amateur musicians and who didn’t play for more than a decade.  When their need to connect became stronger than their resistance to try new things, they found themselves a band and before long they had a new family.   You have to take some risks on this island, Newbie, or you’re going to be a lonely boy.

I’ll be happy to forward all emails that I receive your way.  It’ll be like your very own dating site/personal ad.  But your homework remains the same:  Join at least one organization before the week is over.

*Please forward this to your gay male friends.  I don't get too many questions from boys & it might spawn some good future posts.