Dear Dr. Darcy:
My ex-boyfriend was quite kinky and was always introducing new things to the relationship. I wasn't all the way into it but went along with it to make him happy. As part of a "cuckolding" and "male chastity" scene, he introduced me to my current girlfriend. The scene was hotter than I expected and we hit if off. I stayed in touch with her and things progressed to the point where I ended things with my ex-bf and started dating her.
Now the twist. My ex was so sad and devastated from the break up that he wanted to stay friends, like to actually spend time with me. I felt bad for him but I wanted to be fair to my new girl. So... um... I made him a deal. If he stayed locked in his chastity cage with me keeping the keys then we could hang as friends. The moment he took it off would be done forever.
I thought he would last a week or two and we'd part ways. Instead it was almost a month before he finally begged to be unlocked. By that time I was enjoying our platonic relationship and even sorta getting off on being his "keyholder" and teasing him.
Is this fair? My current girlfriend assures me she's cool with it. She doesn't interact with him much. My ex is having the time of his life getting his fantasy fulfilled, even though it's very hard for him. The cage is metal but if he REALLY wants out he could always go to a locksmith or something. Can I keep doing this? How much longer can I have my cake and eat it too?
I had to seek out a BDSM expert for guidance on this, and even she thinks this is fucked up. What follows is our collective opinion:
First let me clarify: You stepped over the friendship line the moment you locked up his penis. I have lots of male friends and I have nothing to do with their genital – nor do they have any interaction with mine. This is the nature of a platonic relationship – sex is not a component. You’re using the word friend to justify keeping him around, but you’re getting off on being his keyholder. Your words. Not mine.
By continuing to interact with him in this capacity, you’re stringing him along emotionally. He agreed to being caged as a last resort to stay in your life in an intimate way. It’s not what he wants, even if he’s desperate enough to accept the terms.
My expert tells me that if someone is going to be locked up in chastity, it should be to someone who can give to them emotionally. It sounds like you’re neglecting him on all fronts. It’s particularly uncool given that he was devastated by the breakup. But what tops this is that you offered up chastity thinking he ‘would last a week or two and we'd part ways.’ The whole thing was a manipulation ploy by you to end the relationship sans guilt. Bottom line: I think it sucks, and I encourage you to grab your ovaries, take responsibility for wanting a relationship with a woman, and let this guy go. Key and all.
Gender & Orientation: Female, Bi, mostly Lesbian.
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