Informed Consent

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Dear Dr. Darcy:

I have encountered situations where I have dated someone and ended up using their bathroom and seeing medications out in the open that are anti-depressant medications. Some [of the men] have been open about suffering from anxiety or depression, [however], the person I am [currently] dating did NOT share anything with me [about these] medications. I happened to remember the name and I looked up one and it is an anti-psychotic that treats everything from bipolar disorder (yikes!) to anxiety. He has also not mentioned being in therapy or anything (though maybe he is and is not comfortable sharing this.)

Being that certain psychotic disorders are really scary- especially if the person ever has to go OFF the medication (AS HAPPENED TO SOMEONE I KNOW- halfway through the marriage the woman went off the meds and became a monster and they divorced) how do I bring this up? Frankly, I’d rather find out now.

ANSWER

Anti-psychotics are no joke, and let me tell you: If I were dating someone and stumbled upon said medication, you better believe I’d be leaning into that conversation no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel – particularly if I were a heterosexual given the genetic component of psychotic disorders and bipolar disorder.

I don’t think the guy leaves the medication out unless he fully expects you to look at it and initiate a conversation about it. That’s my feeling. So I’d have very little hesitance in asking, “So how long have you been on Risperdal?” in the hopes that he would participate in a conversation about it. If he doesn’t, that tells you something about him. If he does, make sure you know what he’s being treated for.

Once you have all your information, it’s up to you to decide whether to continue seeing him or pull the plug – but at least you’ll be making an informed decision at that point.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Straight.