In Today's News, More Reports of Lesbian Bed Death

So, my partner and I… are suffering from LBD [lesbian bed death].  I know it is complicated.  We have been together for 17 years.  I am 53 and she is 42. We have a 7-year-old son. We had issues before our son was born…However, I would say that since he was born we have been unable to keep the tension and irritability out of our relationship… I think I do have a very hard time letting go of the responsibility hat and just having a good time.

Anyway, we actually had a great conversation last night.  I told her I am super bored. I feel like my wings are clipped and I am sick of it.  I hate always having to coordinate my moves… Can't be spontaneous.  AND I LOVE OUR SON.  I ADORE HIM. That still doesn't make it easier to always be a part of a family.  I love spontaneity and freedom. How do I feel ALIVE when life is such a treadmill of duty, honor, and valor?  If you can answer this one...I will be super amazed.

ANSWER

You are focused on the downside to being in a committed relationship. The upside appears to be something that rarely enters your consciousness.  And I suspect that this cognitive habit pre-dates your relationship.

Being a family member provides individuals with something that humans are hardwired to seek out in life:  Certainty.  Certainty makes us feel safe. It makes us feel like we can predict what will happen to us. The downside to certainty is that its very essence means that there is an absence of uncertainty, and believe it or not, uncertainty has its benefits ~ Surprise and excitement both live within uncertainty and that’s what you’re missing.  With that said, certainty and excitement are not mutually exclusive.  Unfortunately, you’re so busy focusing on how boring life is that you’re not creating excitement.

You’ve attached such heavy meaning to your responsibilities in life that it’s a wonder you can get out of bed every day. “How do I feel ALIVE when life is such a treadmill of duty, honor, and valor?” Jesus Christ.  Stop FOCUSING on duty, valor and honor and start focusing on going down on her!  It’s really that fucking simple.  Stop looking for the perfect time for a 2-hour romp in the sac and sac her in a cab or in a bathroom stall. You want excitement? Do something exciting.  Be unpredictable.  Create that which you desire. There’s no magic to this.  Hire a babysitter for the night and take her out to a restaurant where she’s never been, then bring her to a hotel room and have sex.  It’s what you would do if you cheated, right?  Cheat with your partner.

At the end of the day, you’re your own roadblock to the excitement that you crave.  It stands to reason that with time, the excitement that occurs naturally in a relationship begins to ebb because we can predict what will happen next.  But that doesn’t mean that the party’s over.  Just because she knows she’s getting a present on her birthday doesn’t mean she can predict what she’s going to unwrap, and if she can, therein lies the problem…

Writer’s Stats: Female, Gay