How Soon Is Too Soon To Move In?

Dear Dr. Darcy: 

I want to move in with my boyfriend. We’ve been dating 8 months and my lease is up in 5 weeks. He doesn’t think we’ve dated long enough but if we don’t move in now, we’ll be dating at least another year before my new lease is up. It really feels like he’s just stalling.  There are so many legitimate reasons to do this now. Why should we be paying 2 rents for another year if moving in together is inevitable?

ANSWER

Because it’s not inevitable. Your guy’s buying himself some time – a smart move given that you’re likely still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. You still see each other through a haze of love (click here to see how your brain responds to being in love).  Your drug soaked brains can’t decipher alarming data from charming data.  But like all honeymoons, yours will come to an end. Probably within the next 4 months.

I know that the lure of a bigger apartment in a better neighborhood – with half the rent and half the chores - is appealing, but the truth is you can’t possibly know who this man is yet – and he can’t know who you are. Your bodies are still producing neurochemicals that cause you to be on your best behavior while simultaneously diminishing your ability to accurately identify negative information. This is not a moment in your life when you should be making long-term decisions. Lucky for you, your guy knows this.

If you’re feeling like it’s too difficult to control the urge to push the issue further, schedule a night to sit down with your guy and ask him to answer the questions linked right here.  His answers will give you all the willpower you need. You’re welcome.

Gender & Orientation: Female, Straight.