How Long It Takes to Get Over a Breakup

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Welcome to Tuesday’s Tips, the one-day a week when I dispense useful, actionable and empowering tips!

I was recently asked how long it takes to get over a breakup, which caused me to contemplate the many factors that would go into formulating such an answer. And so, today I will attempt to quantify the unquantifiable: How long it takes to get over a breakup.

Generally speaking (provided you are not deeply wounded from some past trauma that you’ve never worked through), you can take the length of the relationship and divide it in half. That’s an estimate of how long it will take you to mend your broken heart. Below are common variables that will warrant adding or taking away time. Each variable presumes that you’ve already divided the length of the relationship in half.

The Ultimatum: No changes to the formula. You’re each going to feel wronged by the other and the anger you’ll feel will enable you move on.

The Mutual Breakup: Take away 10% of the time. If you’re both willing to walk away, you’ll have minimal guilt and you’ll also have begun to process the loss before you officially break up, cutting down the amount of time it will take to mourn.

The Cheat: Add 20% of time. The cheater will walk away with guilt (hopefully, otherwise said cheater has bigger problems than being a cheat) and the other will feel like a victim.

The First Love: Add 30% of time. Nothing in life prepares us for our first heartbreak, but the first heartbreak prepares us for future ones, making those easier to tolerate.

The Shock: Depending on how unprepared you are (and how long you were together), add 10-50%of time. This loss is definitely going to be more complicated because you were blindsided. 

So what do you think? What types of breakups would you include? I want to hear from you and at some point we'll update this list: Darcy@AskDrDarcy.com

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