Heterosexual Irony

Dear Dr. Darcy:

Why would a guy pursue a woman who is in a relationship with someone else, and continue the affair, cheating for weeks, when he could otherwise pursue someone single and available (who is ten times more attractive).


From the time they are born, society socializes boys to avoid and postpone relationships while simultaneously socializing girls to fantasize about their wedding day and the life that they will have when they find said man. This sets in motion an incompatibility of sorts for heterosexuals; one that takes the genders years and years of dating experience to rectify.  Oftentimes it involves girls learning how to play hard to get, aka, getting some game, so that men aren’t terrified by a girl’s availability and presumed unilateral focus on marriage as an endgame.  While young women develop this skill, their male counterparts are, generally speaking, maturing and cultivating a genuine desire for the certainty, security and emotional intimacy, the culmination of which renders them available to be in a committed relationship.

The above-referenced guy is interested in a piece of ass – not a domestic relationship.  He is doing you a favor by choosing the unavailable woman, because if you had it your way, you’d be dating him, and he being who he is, would be cheating on you because he is not ready to be in a committed relationship.

You need to look at why you’re attracted to unavailable men. There is something going on in you that is causing you to be attracted to and/or to attract men who are otherwise unable to be in a relationship with you. Until you resolve that missing piece, this pattern will continue. What you resist will persist.

Writer's stats: Female, straight.