Dear Dr. Darcy:

My girlfriend of 5 months just broke up with me.  I knew she was bi [sexual] when we started dating, but I have to tell you, it kills me that she intends to date both men and women.

I’ve had relationships end throughout the 10 years that I’ve been dating and it always amazes me how much worse it feels when I’m left for a man.  Should I stop dating bisexuals?  It seems that no good ever comes from it.  And anyway, is there such a thing as bi?


There is a saying that people are either gay, straight, or lying.  We’ve been debating the existence of bisexuality since at least the middle of the 19th century. Much of the recent research has focused on men because arousal is easier to measure on them.  Freud claimed that most people are naturally bisexual.  But of those studies that I’ve read in the last 20 minutes (meaning, this is hardly scientifically sound), the general conclusion was that male participants who identified as being bisexual were more likely to become aroused by viewing naked men than by viewing naked women (roughly three-quarters more likely).

Regardless of the state of those penises studied, I suspect that sexual orientation is more complicated, particularly for those who identify as bisexual.  I think of sexual identity in terms of a spectrum (as I do most things) and I do believe that for some individuals, sexual attraction is fluid.

That said, if your experience with bisexuals has been one of repeated disappointment, it would beg the question, why continue to date bisexuals? If someone identifies as bisexual, it is likely that they will continue to vacillate between genders until they are emotionally prepared to choose a partner.  For me, that adds an additional variable into the complex process of finding a long-term partner.  I’ll tell you what I’d do:  I’d find myself a lesbian.