Help. Nothing's Wrong!

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I came out very late in life. Thus having my first "real" girlfriend didn't happen until I was in my late 20's. I met her before I moved to New York to continue my schooling and we connected later, instigating a long distance relationship.

We were together for a year and a half. I broke up with her because ultimately I didn't think she was my life partner. I still care for her very much, and like in our long distance relationship, we still talk on the phone. Though she is backing off (after all, we broke up almost two years ago), I still want her in my life and enjoy having her in it. We don't go more than two days without communicating.

I know that this probably needs to end, but am unsure of what to do. I am horrible with letting go and have abandonment issues. Help.

ANSWER

If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I’ve rarely, if ever, said this:  I don’t see a problem with anything you’re doing.

One of the reasons why women fall so deeply in love with other women is because of the emotional intimacy.  The intensity between two women is something that is difficult to describe to heteros because it’s completely different than what one experiences between a man and a woman.  This intensity is the reason why we tend to remain close to our exes ~ we don’t want to give up the emotional bond just because we broke up.

You broke up 2 years ago.  If it were 2 weeks ago, I’d be concerned that her presence in your life might get in the way of you finding a new partner.  Furthermore, she’s long distance, so I’m making the presumption that there aren’t any same-bed sleepovers, which are too common among exes in our community, and which, understandably, serves as a deterrent to finding a new partner if that new partner has a modicum of mental health.

It sounds like life is pretty good for you.  Leave it alone.  Don’t question it.  Just enjoy.  There are times in life when everything is good enough.  You’re there.  The only thing you need to work on is learning how to savor this moment.