Good Riddance

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I recently ended things with someone after several months of dating, who I thought was a very good life match for me- turns out he likes staying in the "beginning" stage of a relationship and did not want to take the relationship forward. I'm devastated and have come to hypothesize he may have severe emotional intimacy issues... He likes being alone too much, is not sure if he ever wants to have a wife or life partner, etc. Should I try to work on this issue with him or is this a total goner? I have no experience with men who have these issues so I don’t know. I have very strong feelings for him and I can’t let go of this.

ANSWER

Kick this guy to the curb.  The biggest mistake women make is turning men (or women) into fixer-uppers.  He likes the beginning stage of a relationship?  Who doesn’t?  I like carbohydrates and staying in bed all day, but I know that indulging these desires to the extreme will result in too much Darcy and will not result in meeting my goals.

If the guy says that he doesn’t know if he ever wants a wife or a life partner, BELIEVE HIM.  Listen, I was married to my first partner many moons ago.  He expressed the same feelings but I didn’t have AskDrDarcy to write to and instead, I dated him for enough years that he felt obligated to do ‘the right thing’ and marry me.  7 years later (I know, what a cliché) he took an exit right out of the marriage.  Now, it all worked out for the best because, hello, I’m playing for the other team now, but the point is that you do have AskDrDarcy to consult with and I am saying, unequivocally, RUN FOR THE HILLS.  And trust that when you let go of this boy, you’ll find yourself a man.

Writer’s Stats: Female, hetero.