Girls' Night Out?

Dear Dr. Darcy:

I am dating a woman for the first time. I’m not sure if I’m bi or gay, but that’s not the point of my question: I’m having a problem with my girlfriend because every Tuesday night she goes out with her friends for Girl’s Night Out, but HELLO, I’m a girl, so why am I never invited?

ANSWER

Girl’s Night Out is code for I need some space from my partner. It’s not intended to be gender specific, though in heterosexual relationships, the practice of Girls Night Out essentially ensures that the male counterpart won’t feel rejected / try to crash the party.

You can see how it becomes rather touchy in a same-sex relationship… What’s a girl to do when she needs a night away from her girlfriend? We don’t have a different term in the LGBT community, and we need one because the emphasis on gender has a tendency to make people feel that there is no legitimate reason to go out with friends without the partner.

You’re getting caught up in semantics. Your girlfriend needs a night away from you ~ and you need one away from her. The absence thereof is a one-way ticket into lesbian enmeshment, that little dance that we do so well which erodes our independence and spawns the not-so-hot lesbian merge. Let her go out without any attitude. You’ll look confident and independent. And that, Newbie, is very sexy, no matter which team you’re playing for.