Girl Needs Game

Dr. Darcy,

I'm new to dating in general since, for the most part, I've been friends with my partners before we started dating. Recently I met a girl online…

What are the rules of dating and is there anything special about lesbians dating that I should know about? For example, is it weird to go out for drinks 2 nights in a row and then meet up for some demolition/ apartment modeling the next day and then again go play bingo the following night? I feel like people usually do the whole play hard to get but I don't have the patience, energy, or time to do that. Am I making myself too available that I might be turning the other person off? Help!!!

ANSWER

What you’re doing is undisciplined.  You are too available, and you know it. If you don’t get some game, you’re going to have trouble dating – and it doesn’t matter which gender.

When you’re too available, you become predictable and certain, 2 attributes that are the antithesis of the key ingredient necessary for successful dating: Excitement. You’re spinning stories about why you don’t have game: You’re too busy, you don’t have the patience or the energy…It’s all horseshit. Excuses. You could use the same ‘explanations’ for not engaging in foreplay, but I’m betting you make the time, find the energy and cultivate the patience to be a good lover.

Let me tell you something: At every stage in a relationship, you will need to employ self-discipline. If you don’t learn this now, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of flabby relationship muscles. That same thinking that has allowed you to be with this girl, what, like 4 nights in a row?  That’s the thinking that will allow you to walk in the door at the end of the day feeling exhausted and disinclined to give your partner the attention or emotional energy that’s required to sustain a long-term relationship.  Make peace with this now, early on, and you’ll thank me in 5 years.

We scoff at terms like ‘playing hard to get,’ as though it’s beneath us to engage in such a childish, inauthentic practice. There is nothing childish or inauthentic about pacing oneself.  Human Behavior 101 teaches us that people are more attracted to one-another when there is an element of uncertainty about their availability, particularly during the dating phase. We call this excitement.  Find ways to cultivate excitement into every date you have, Newbie, and you’ll have a long, happy, lesbian life.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Gay