Dear Dr. Darcy-
My boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago because he identifies as bi and said he couldn’t live a gay lifestyle. Last night I ran into him at a gay bar and he was with a guy. I’m really having a hard time with this. I could have fallen in love with my ex if he’d have given it a chance. And now I’m thoroughly confused about what this all means. Does he still date men? Only fuck men? Or was it me?
Of the two of us, you know him the best. What do you think? Without the advantage of knowing him, I’d guess B), but hell, I could be wrong. I think the question you want to ask me is what you should do about your unresolved feelings towards him.
He did you a solid by telling you that he’s not up to the task of living a gay lifestyle. It’s vastly different walking though the world on the arm of a same-sex partner than it is being insulated by hetero privilege. You deserve a partner who will hold his head up high when he walks into a room with you.
Throw yourself into dating, and commit to having learned from the past: What’s the take away with the ex? What lesson did you learn? What will you not accept in your next partner that you accepted in your ex? Does he have to be out? Gay? Pick one, and make new mistakes with a new partner.
Writer’s Stats: Male, Gay