Dear Dr. Darcy:
I'm a straight girl and I’ve been half in love with my best guy friend (who happens to be gay) my whole life. We grew up together. When we were kids our parents used to talk about us getting married. Now we’re both in our 20’s and he came out as a gay man and I’ve felt lost. It’s not like we were ever together but the option feels like it’s off the table now. I keep having a recurring fantasy that if I just seduce him, he’ll reconsider. Do you know of any situations where someone switched teams?
The only team switching I’ve ever witnessed, professionally, personally or otherwise, is straight to gay ~ not the other way around.
Gay guys do make amazing friends and where there’s emotional intimacy, we run the risk of developing deeper feelings. I’m going to spare you of any ambiguity and be as direct as possible, because what it could spare you in the long run outweighs the sting of my cador in the short run:
Regardless of how beautiful you are or how much he may care for you; no matter how close he is to you, he won’t change his mind or his team. He’s gone through a hell of a process to determine that he’s gay – not to mention what he’s gone through to come out.
That’s not to say that you can’t seduce him. You might. But no matter how hot the sex is, he won’t be having sex with you, at least not in his mind. And the next day, after you’ve pulled out every trick in your bag, your emotional attachment to him will have grown as a result of having had sex ~ it’s a scientific fact. And because he is a man, particularly a gay man, he won’t have the same feelings. And that’s the difference between boys and girls folks. I’m sorry the news isn’t better, but the reality is you’d have a better chance of switching your own team than trying to switch his.