Dear Dr. Darcy,
The other day on Facebook, I received an email from my friend’s boyfriend (they are both gay men) that said “So when are we hooking up?” Now, I don’t even really know my friend’s boyfriend well. I haven’t seen him in a long time and I’ve only met him a handful of times. This email came out of nowhere. So I wrote back and said, “?” and he wrote back saying, “LMAO, I sent this to the wrong person – meant to send it to my BFF John. How are you?” So I wrote back, “I am well. Please send my love to Doug (his boyfriend).” My name does not begin with a ‘J’ so I don’t know how he accidentally sent that to me, and by the way, he doesn’t have a John on his list of FB friends. The whole thing smells foul. My question is this: Do I tell my friend Doug that his boyfriend sent me this email? Do I unfriend my friend’s boyfriend?
Your friend’s boyfriend is a douche bag, but that doesn’t mean it’s your place to tell your friend Doug about it. You don’t know the parameters of their relationship. For all you know, it could be permissible for them to hook up with other people. If you rat out the boyfriend, only to learn that they have an open relationship, how will you feel the next time you come in contact with him/them?
It’s a shitty situation that you’ve been put in, but you handled it well. Responding to the boyfriend by asking how Doug is doing underscored your loyalty to Doug, and it should have provoked the boyfriend to apologize to you, hence my statement that he’s a douche.
I don’t like the whole unfriending thing. Aside from it being developmentally akin to what a 12 year old would do, it usually results in a ton of drama when the person who you unfriend realizes that they’ve been unfriended, so it doesn’t even achieve the desired effect. Forget about the email, the douche bag, and his boyfriend, and get on with your life.
Writer's Stats: Female, Lesbian.