Ex-tra Opportunity

Dear Dr. Darcy:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months.  When we met, she had just gotten out of a relationship.  Now her girlfriend is coming by next week to pick up some of her old things and I’m freaking out.  I’m really young – only 18, and I’ve never had to contend with an ex.  How do I handle this?  My girlfriend is 25 and I don’t want to make this worse than it has to be.


Meeting the ex can be very scary.  You’ve seen her in pictures, her image is burned in your mind’s eye, but there’s nothing quite like coming face to face with the person who your girlfriend shares a history with. Relax, 18, you can do this with dignity and without bloodshed.

Think of this encounter as an opportunity to really show your girl what you’re made of.  Reinforce that she made the right decision by choosing you as her girlfriend. The sexiest thing you can do is to behave as though you have confidence and being gracious to the ex is the greatest display of confidence.  Greet her with an authentic, warm-looking smile.  Play hostess.  Ask her if she’d like something to drink.  Make sure you’re in the middle of doing something (like catching up on emails) so that your attention can go back to what you’re doing after you say hello.  You don’t have to follow them from room to room – giving them space is a sign of security in that you’re not micromanaging their every move.  When she’s ready to leave, stop what you’re doing and walk her out with your girlfriend, telling her that it was really nice meeting her.  You’ll be making a statement that the two of you are the team and she’s the visitor.  And by the time the door closes behind her, your girlfriend will have a new, inflated level of respect for you.

Writer’s Stats: Female, Lesbian.