Enough Is Enough

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Hello. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years now, and the whole relationship has been crazy. Her mother refuses to accept us, I mean to the point [where she bought] her daughter a house to keep us apart. Now I live with my girlfriend in the house her mother bought her, but I'm not allowed here so I have to hide every time the doorbell rings thinking its her mother. I have even accepted a job in a different county so we can move away from but my girlfriend’s excuse is [her] mom is paying for her nursing school. I'm confused. Why am I always getting excuses from her about her mother doing something for her.  Should I just cut ties and move on without her? I mean its been 7 years. When is enough enough?

ANSWER

When the pain of staying in this relationship outweighs your fear of breaking up, enough will be enough. For me, enough would have been enough 6 ½ years ago.  You, my friend, are loyal to a fault. Or you’re terrified of change. Either way, it’s the same result. You’re frozen.

I intentionally didn’t say that you’re stuck because that would imply that you have no choice in the matter. You are 100% responsible for this miserable relationship, because without your willingness to accept your girlfriend’s crazy relationship with her mother, the relationship wouldn’t exist. And that’s ultimately how it’s going to end.

She’s not changing. Not with you in the picture. She’s the code in codependent. She’s so enmeshed with her mother that it’s amazing she lets you sleep there.  And make no mistakes, you can call it whatever you want – you do not live there. You sleep there.

So if you’re waiting for her to change, which I’m fairly certain you are, you’re wasting your time. She’s not changing. You have to change. You have to decide that you deserve more.  She’s a great teacher for you, and until you master this lesson, you’ll remain her student.