Dear Dr. Darcy:
I really like my girlfriend but sometimes she drives me crazy. She’s beautiful and charismatic but the problem is she knows she’s beautiful and charismatic. When we go out with friends and she’s had a few drinks in her, she talks endlessly. In the beginning her stories are fairly interesting, but she doesn’t stop to take a breath let alone pause so that someone else can join in the conversation. She doesn’t seem to realize that her audience zones out. She doesn’t engage others in the conversation. If she happens to ask someone a question, she immediately interrupts their response and relates it back to her. It’s to the point where I don’t even want to socialize with her because (gasp) I’m embarrassed by her. I don’t know what to do. I’ve only been with her 5 months and I’m definitely not going to be able to deal with this long-term. Should I just cut my losses now?
Do you know the story of Narcissus? He was a character in Greek mythology whose vanity was such that when he saw his reflection in a pool of water he became so deeply encompassed by it that he fell in and drowned. Since then, we use the word narcissist to describe someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance. Equally interesting is that Narcissus was married to a woman named Echo who was unable to speak except for the fact that she could repeat the words of others. Their union was perfect because Narcissus would remark on his beauty and his wife, Echo, would repeat his words.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) for you, yours in not a perfect union because you do not share your girlfriend’s self-admiration. Alas, you are no Echo, and so you find her inflated sense of self-importance and her lack of self-awareness to be a turn off. Congratulations. You do not have a personality disorder. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, may.
If she’s driving you crazy this early on, it’s not going to get any better with time. Cut her loose so that she can find someone who will reinforce her delusional self-image. And let this be a lesson to you: Believe what people tell you about themselves the first time.
Writer’s Stats: Female, bisexual.