Welcome to Ask Dr. Darcy, authored by the laziest blogger in the Universe. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I’ve been busy filming the first season of E! Network’s newest show, Famously Single, in which 8 un-partnered celebrities live together under one roof while I help them develop relationship and dating skills. The experience has been amazing – and ever since we wrapped production, I’ve been inundated with requests to share my top tips for a healthy relationship, so here you go:
1. The needs of the relationship always need to trump the needs of the individuals in the relationship. Neither of you is a priority anymore – the relationship is. Think of it as a baby. Feed it first, then yourselves.
2. Follow the 0-100% Principle. Attempt to meet all your own needs, asking nothing of your partner. Sounds nuts, I know. I thought the same thing when a shrink told me to do it. Four months later, I no longer needed couple’s counseling. Here’s a link to this crazy concept:
3. Don’t be a right fighter. Don’t attempt to be right in arguments. If one person wins, the relationship loses. Look for win-win outcomes.
4. Catch your partner doing something right. Every. Day. We get so caught up focusing on what our partners do wrong – even in the best of times. Want your partner to transform into the person of your dreams? Stop all criticism – and start thanking them for things they do right. It takes discipline because our minds naturally stray towards the negative. Then again, so does going to work daily, and we manage to do that.
5. Always take turns talking, never speak over each other, confirm that you heard what your partner said and find something valid in their perspective. All humans want is to be heard and validated. I want to know that you’re listening to me and that what I’m saying makes sense to you – even if you don’t agree with me.
Want a more in depth ebook on this topic? Click here to download my FREE ebook which has homework assignments to help transform your relationship!