Dear Dr. Darcy:
I just started college this year and I was shocked to learn that my roommate was gay. I come from a town where you just don’t hear of girls being lesbians. Anyway, I have no problem with her being gay and I get along with all her friends who are mostly bi and lesbian. Just before we went on winter break, some of her friends and me got drunk in our room and I made out with two of the girls. It wasn’t uncomfortable as I imagined it would be. To tell the truth, I liked it a lot more than I liked kissing guys. Do you think I’m a lesbian?
ANSWER College is a time to experiment with who you are and who you want to become. Certainly one experience isn’t enough to confirm someone’s sexual orientation. With that said, there are some people who are certain of their orientation before ever having an intimate encounter (that goes for straight and gay people). I think determining one’s sexual orientation is less about encounters and more about soul searching.
The fact that you enjoyed kissing those girls more than you enjoyed kissing guys doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a lesbian, but it could be the first step in discovering that you are. You’ll make the process easier on yourself if you allow whatever is meant to be to reveal itself, rather than trying to force a resolution one way or the other.
If you’ve followed my magazine column or this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m a proponent of therapy. I’ve recommended it in older posts (click here for more info) and I’m sure your college has a drop in center or some counseling equivalent. Let me know if you need any further help.