I heard you on the radio the other morning talking about a set of rules you wrote for guys or for girls to use to judge guys. It sounded like something I'd like to show to my teenage daughter and son. Is it available online? Or only in your books? Thanks. ANSWER
What you heard me referencing is something I call Deal Breakers ~ A list of unacceptable behaviors and traits that you create which are justifications for ending a relationship. Ideally, this list is made when you are NOT in a relationship. Without this list, we are forced to rely on a level of objectivity that many people lose when they are in a relationship and feelings are involved. This list serves as a relationship compass. Specifically, it tells you when to run for the hills.
Most of us think we’d know the warning signs if we saw them, but the truth is we’re much more likely to make up ‘stories’ about why those behaviors/traits aren’t really as bad as we think they are. We spin reality until we feel comfortable giving our partner a 2nd chance, which of course turns into the hundredth chance. It’s this thinking that turns us into victims – of OURSELVES, because ultimately there’s no one to blame (other than ourselves) for staying too long in a relationship. So how do you do it?
Take out a piece of paper and start right now. Think of the most atrocious thing a partner could do to you and make that #1 on your list. My number one is hitting, shoving or laying hands on me in anger. Number 2 is becoming destructive / breaking things in anger. Number 3 is becoming emotionally abusive (calling me a piece of shit – attacking my character, etc.). And the list goes on. Be as specific as possible so that when you’re in a relationship, your mind can’t rationalize your partner’s behaviors.