Boy's Night Out

Hello Dr. Darcy!

I've been a long time reader and have received a lot of great advice reading this website. Thanks so much! My question is: How do I start dating? I've been out for several years but have never been in anything remotely close to a relationship. I'm 20 years old and attending college in Chicago. There is a big LGBT student body at my school, and I've met many great friends there, though no one I have considered dating. It may be strange to say, but most of the guys here are "too gay" for my tastes. My friends joke and say I'm a homophobic gay man, and I find it frustrating that I have never met anyone I am interested in, especially now that I am very much interested in dating and going into new territories. Any advice, however basic, would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much!

ANSWER

I do not think you’re homophobic. I think you are attracted to a certain ‘type.’ I used to get accused of the same thing because I only dated very feminine women. The truth is, at the time, that was who I was attracted to. I eventually fell in love with my best friend (who is a dyke) and married her. Doing this did not make me more gay or less homophobic.  The point is that you are attracted to men who are traditionally masculine. Nothing’s wrong with that. It’s like being attracted to blonds over redheads. You have a preference. Don’t let your friends pathologize it.

If the boys at your school are a little too flaming for your taste, try online dating. No, I’m not suggesting Grinder, unless you’re looking for sex over dating.  But if you’re truly looking to appear with someone in public, make yourself a great profile on Match, indicate that you like traditionally masculine men (keep in mind, this may imply that you are looking for a ‘top’) and start the ball rolling. Remember: Always meet in a public place, make sure a friend knows where you’re going and check in with your friend a few times throughout the night. And thank you for being an avid follower of AskDrDarcy!

Writer’s Stats: Male, Gay.