Beneath The Surface

Dr. Darcy:

My girlfriend is always complaining that I don’t wear sexy underwear for her. I’ve tried, but most sexy underwear isn’t comfortable. I feel like it’s stupid of her to want me to wear specific underwear. I don’t tell her what underwear to wear. And I really have tried so many kinds but they are so uncomfortable it literally ruins my day. Do you think I’m being unreasonable?


I think you are focusing on the physical discomfort of wearing sexy underwear instead of your deeper discomfort. I’m not sure what your history with your girlfriend is, but seemingly insignificant issues like this can become magnified when they are also part of a power struggle, which is what this sounds like to me. I wonder what other areas of your relationship have prompted one or both of you to dig your heels in and resist compromise.

In relationships, we are invariably asked to do things that don’t feel comfy, choice of term intended. Our willingness to meet the needs of our partner usually has little to do with the specifics of the request, and more to do with whether we want to accommodate any request from our partner.

I don’t have enough information to delve any deeper into the potential meaning of your impasse than I’ve already gone, so in the spirit of helping you to compromise I’m switching gears to discuss one of my all-time favorite topics: Retail Therapy.

I suspect there’s a happy medium between wearing full-bottom cotton briefs and wearing a synthetic, flammable, Swarovski studded thong. I’ve taken the liberty to list 3 lines below that will feel like butter against your skin and hers.

Start by giving your everyday undergarments a little makeover. Keep in mind that good clothing isn’t cheap and cheap clothing isn’t comfy. Select black for both bras and underwear because everything looks sexier in black. And unless you are larger than a size C, choose demi cups for your bras.

The nature of compromise is that it leaves each partner feeling mildly dissatisfied. She’s not getting her thigh-highs, and you’ll be trading in the boxer shorts. Keep in mind that nothing life altering is being asked of you. If you find it hard to make this compromise and keep your panties on, it’s an indication that this issue goes much deeper, and you should contact a therapist.  Happy Shopping.

Cosabella Natori Ongossamar