Another Wrong Guy?

Screen Shot 2014-04-17 at 10.01.00 AM

Carrie (speaking to her therapist’s other patient, who she just slept with): So why are you in therapy?

Guy:  I’m really fucked up about women. After I sleep with them I completely lose interest in them. How about you?

Carrie: I pick the wrong men.

Dr. Darcy:

I have a crush on the male patient who sees my therapist the hour before I do.  He used to come with his wife, he now is alone....and we have chatted briefly.   I want to meet him outside the office...but I am worried my therapist will not approve.

ANSWER

This better not be one of my patients.  Ha! Only kidding.

If you're are worried that your therapist will not approve, there is probably a legitimate reason why your therapist wouldn’t approve.

Honestly, I’ve never been faced with this situation so I’m not sure how I’d feel. I suppose my feelings would be influenced by what my client’s issues were. If you were my client and had a history of hooking up with people you meet under inappropriate circumstances, I’d raise an eyebrow over your crush. If you had a history of gravitating towards unavailable people, I’d do more than raise an eyebrow. We would have a discussion in which I’d point out to you the historical pattern you have of being attracted to individuals who cause you drama. Ultimately it would be your decision since, sadly, I can’t control what my clients do. I’m just the girl who helps them clean up the mess.

My point is this: Does this feel even vaguely familiar to you? The desire to meet someone who you know used to be unavailable and likely still is (divorce takes a while – as does grieving the relationship)?  Have you historically felt the desire to hook up with people who you meet under awkward circumstances - circumstances that would render the hookup inappropriate? If it feels at all familiar, I’d encourage you to open up a dialogue with your therapist so that you can recognize the pattern and not repeat the same mistake. I’m a big fan of making new mistakes in life.

Writer’s stats: Female, Heterosexual.