Carrie (speaking to her therapist’s other patient, who she just slept with): So why are you in therapy?
Guy: I’m really fucked up about women. After I sleep with them I completely lose interest in them. How about you?
Carrie: I pick the wrong men.
I have a crush on the male patient who sees my therapist the hour before I do. He used to come with his wife, he now is alone....and we have chatted briefly. I want to meet him outside the office...but I am worried my therapist will not approve.
This better not be one of my patients. Ha! Only kidding.
If you're are worried that your therapist will not approve, there is probably a legitimate reason why your therapist wouldn’t approve.
Honestly, I’ve never been faced with this situation so I’m not sure how I’d feel. I suppose my feelings would be influenced by what my client’s issues were. If you were my client and had a history of hooking up with people you meet under inappropriate circumstances, I’d raise an eyebrow over your crush. If you had a history of gravitating towards unavailable people, I’d do more than raise an eyebrow. We would have a discussion in which I’d point out to you the historical pattern you have of being attracted to individuals who cause you drama. Ultimately it would be your decision since, sadly, I can’t control what my clients do. I’m just the girl who helps them clean up the mess.
My point is this: Does this feel even vaguely familiar to you? The desire to meet someone who you know used to be unavailable and likely still is (divorce takes a while – as does grieving the relationship)? Have you historically felt the desire to hook up with people who you meet under awkward circumstances - circumstances that would render the hookup inappropriate? If it feels at all familiar, I’d encourage you to open up a dialogue with your therapist so that you can recognize the pattern and not repeat the same mistake. I’m a big fan of making new mistakes in life.
Writer’s stats: Female, Heterosexual.