Above The Waist


Dear Dr. Darcy:

I’m a college senior and getting ready to return to school for the spring semester and I’m feeling enormous anxiety and panic about something that happened just before break: I went to a party at school and smoked some pot which I’m guessing had something in it because I was more high than I’ve ever been in my life and I wound up hooking up with a girl. I’ve always sort of fantasized about hooking up with a girl but it always involved things from the waist up and NEVER below the belt. Anyway, I vaguely remember being on the receiving end of oral and I remember it being the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had. I’m sure you’re wondering what the problem is… I’m STRAIGHT. I am fine with you being gay, but I’m not gay. I support gay rights, but I like boys. I want to get married and have children and live in the suburbs. I want a traditional life and I’m freaking the fuck out over this. My panic attacks have gotten so bad that I don’t even want to go back to school at the end of the month. I haven’t been able to enjoy vacation at all because I’m so sick with guilt over what I did.  Is it still possible that I’m straight even though a woman gave me the best orgasm of my life?


Yes, it’s possible, even likely, that you’re still straight. A person’s orientation rarely changes overnight. So take a deep breath, Above The Waist, and let me talk you down from the ledge.

You are in college. This is the time in your life to experiment, sans concerns of a mortgage, a job and nosy neighbors. What you did is very common for someone in college. It doesn’t have to be a defining experience. And you do not need to be gay to have had a fabulous orgasm from someone of the same sex.  You just needed to be relaxed and really in the moment, which you clearly were.

Your panic attacks should be dealt with. Don’t ignore them. I wouldn’t want you to miss classes because of anxiety, particularly when you’re so close to the finish line. Email me directly and I’ll hook you up with a shrink in your area or with one who works via Skype.  If it’s any consolation, I can assure you that I’ve had lots of sex with men in my life, much of which I enjoyed, and I am most definitely gay.

Writer’s stats: Female, Straight.