Have You Been Naughty or Nice?

I recently had a little talk with Santa.

Santa, a few Elves, and I decided we’d give you a couple of weeks to rectify any naughty behaviors you’ve been engaging in this year. Below is an incomplete list of naughty behaviors (the kind of naughty I don’t want you to engage in:


You’ve tried to change your partner. You broke my first relationship principle and dated someone with ‘potential.’ Well, by now you know that you can’t change people – especially a partner.

You’ve criticized your partner more than you complimented him/her.

You’ve looked through your partner’s phone, computer, social media, etc., to see if they are trustworthy.

You’ve allowed your partner to control you, including telling you who you can hang out with, how to dress, what your makeup should look like, where you should go, etc.

You’ve behaved like a lesbian (even if you’re straight) by throwing yourself into your relationship and ignoring the other aspects of your life by abandoning your friends and family.

You’ve choked on your truth because you’re conflict-avoidant.

You’ve blamed your partner for your unhappiness.

You’ve cheated on your partner – and plan to continue (both parts are wrong).


You accept that your partner isn’t perfect - because no one is.

You catch your partner doing things right – and you make sure to tell them.

You’ve taken the time to learn your partner’s Love Links (aka, love languages), and you try to communicate express your feelings using their links – not your own.

You understand that trust isn’t about being able to predict your partner’s behaviors or whereabouts at any given moment. You get that it’s about having the ability to survive whatever your partner does (because we can’t control others).

You express yourself in your relationship.

You’re committed to your own personal growth and development as an individual, knowing that you’ll be a better partner as a result.

You manage your emotions in your relationship, which means that your partner generally feels safe speaking their truth.

You’re willing to have difficult or sensitive conversations.

You try to support your partner’s goals and dreams, wanting them to be their brightest self.

You communicate directly rather than dropping hints, speaking indirectly or expecting your partner to mind read.