How do I approach a guy I like?



Dear Dr. Darcy,
There’s this guy - not only is he a total hottie, but we go to the same gym, we frequent the same bars with our respective friends - I see him everywhere. We obviously enjoy the same hobbies and I really want to meet him, but I’ve never approached a guy before. I don’t want to come off as desperate or too pushy. How do I meet this guy, what do I even say?


In all my years as a therapist and relationship expert, I’ve never once met a man (or a woman) who told the story of an obnoxious or pushy woman who approached him in public. I have, however, heard many accounts of how amazing it’s been to be on the receiving end of a woman who unapologetically approached them because they were interested.

We tell ourselves a lot of stories to remain passive in the dating and flirting arena. Bad enough when it happens during online dating... If you play the passive role IRL, your hottie is going to get distracted by the girl who is bold and willing to approach him.


  • Grab your ovaries. For real. It takes the female equivalent of balls to approach a stranger. We all fear rejection. Which is why you look hot doing it. You look fierce and confident - the latter being a universal turn on. We’re all attracted to confident people. 

  • Be true to who you are. Don’t use a line. They’re all cringeworthy. 

    • If you feel awkward, own it. “Hi. I’m not gonna lie, I have no idea how men do this so effortlessly. But I wanted to meet you more than I wanted to avoid being in this awkward moment. So, I’m [insert your name here].”  Your hottie will handle it from there.

    • If you’re an extravert, do You. Extraverts make the conversational world go round, so just let your personality come through.

  • Eye contact is everything. Particularly in our current age of distraction. It tells your crush that you’re into them. Think about it: When you’re not interested in someone, what’s the first thing you do? You break eye contact.