Dear Dr. Darcy:
I'm a gold star lesbian and haven't experimented with penetration with my ex girlfriends, so does this mean I haven't had sex? And is it normal for some lesbians not to have been penetrated by a strap on etc?
The definition of sex needs an update, you hear that, Merriam-Webster? The existing definition, which characterizes sex as an act occurring between a male and a female in which penetration occurs, is patriarchal and hetero-normative. Its failure to include references of homosexual sex can lead one to believe that the failure to engage in penetration renders one a virgin – which is as ridiculous as stating that a girl who uses a tampon is no longer a virgin.
So let’s decide what the new definition is:
Sex: When two people engage in physical intimacy that includes but is not limited to: oral sex, penetrative sex, or digital sex.
Now for the second half of your question: Plenty of lesbians do not engage in or enjoy penetration – and plenty rock a strap-on with pleasure. The beauty of being gay is that we get to write our own rules and determine our own norms. Any intimacy between two consenting adults (that doesn’t involve anything that cannot consent) is fine.
Writer’s Stats: Female, Lesbian.